Ashamed

“What is your SAT score?” My mother asked, furrowed her eyebrows. I stayed quiet for what seems like a long time before answered her.

“What?! Why is it so low? I spent 2500 dollars for nothing? how could you do this do me?” She bombarded me with questions, then went off to her habit, comparing.

“All of my friends’ children had higher score than you, and they are not even satisfied. Nobody got a score like you.”

“You better do your best next time.”

“I’m ashamed of you.” 

I lied on my bed, faced toward the wall and cried. Silently.

I thought that I am used to it, but still, it pierced my heart. I know that I am not smart as others, and I should study harder. Still, it hurts.

“I’m ashamed of you.” 

“I’m ashamed of you.” 

“I’m ashamed of you.” 

The words echoed in my mind, hitting me each time with its painful thorns.

Was it my fault? I tried, I really do. But it seems impossible to get a high score for the SAT test, I looked up for tips, but it did nothing.  I’ve never feel more desperate than now, it is different than getting an A in class, it traumatized me.

“The SAT score is not the only factor colleges going to look at, they also look at your GPA, extracurricular activities too.” My upperclassman, Sean told me. Of course I knew that, I just don’t want to be beaten, especially after my mom spend more than 2000 dollars for the SAT Prep.

I will try harder to ace it, even though I know I can’t.

I will still try.

 

Creative Common CC by 2.0

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